Troy Eugene Pabst

Our time on this earth is a vapor, and our concept of time is without understanding according to God's timetable. Troy and I met in October 2003. There are a few things on my heart that I would like to share with you about the season that God gave us. The length of seasons are often dependant upon the lessons we need to learn throughout life. We are commanded to love the Lord thy God with all our heart, mind and soul; and to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. When we have a sincere desire to do these two things above all else, we learn the lessons of life. Troy and I had a season that taught me many things about life and love, and for that reason I share the following to glorify God and honor the man who was my husband.


Philippians 4: 4 - 8

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.



These are the things I will hold close to my heart as I remember Troy. So often in life we forget the good things while we cling to the bad, but the Word of God tells us we should be quick to forgive those who have hurt us. Throughout life on this earth, we all do and say things that cause pain to others, whether we have meant to or not, and unless any of us is perfect, this journey encompasses every human emotion known to mankind. The fact that we are human, reveals a Creator who understands and loves us through our imperfections by allowing us the freedom to express our emotions.

Each of us not only see, hear and perceive things differently, but we each express ourselves through our words, actions and emotions in different ways according to the circumstances we may be facing. Far too often we tend to release our pain in ways that are negative, but the Word of God tells us how to get through the tough times that life seems to be so full of. That is life, and if we think on the good, not pretending the pain is not there, but being real about it, and understanding it is the good things that really matter in the long run, while learning from the bad, we will be able to walk through it in order to go on.

I would like to share with you a few memories that I will think about regarding the season of my life with Troy. They are thoughts that will forever help me stand strong in moving forward. God puts people, places and things in our lives to get us where He wants us, often seeming to us that we are going in circles, but life is a circle and all things are connected and used for the glory of God, if only we are willing to be taught the lessons we are here to learn.

One night in particular, I arrived home from a meeting, and from far off I could see our house. The drive was long and as I was approaching, it looked as if the whole top floor of our home was on fire. There was an enormous light coming from every window. The closer I got, I realized it was not a fire but I still wasn't sure what it was. When I walked in the front door, as Troy stood there grinning from ear to ear, the emotions overwhelmed me at the sight of what seemed to be hundreds of candles flickering throughout the whole house. I know there weren't hundreds, but the light of his smile shone even brighter then all of those candles.

Troy understood the life I had led before meeting him, and God used him to help me heal from a past that had left me with deeply embedded scars. The fact that he showed an act of love to me in this way, without expecting anything in return, but to teach me that romance was a part of love, will forever remind me that love is a good thing. Whenever I think, that so many candles flickering together, put off one huge light that night, I will remember that we each have a responsibility to shine a light into each others lives.

There were many things like that Troy did that I will remember and forever be greatful for. I find it ironic that so often we can help others and yet be so broken ourselves.

Another act of love that I will hold dear, is at a time when we separated. The details of our marriage are not open to public scrutiny. The troublesome things within our lives, especially those between a husband and wife, should not be spoken to outsiders unless it is a means used to help matters. Taking a postion such as this, I have found that people take silence as an admission of wrongdoing. As well, assumptions based on rumor and gossip only bring forth judgement. The God I serve has made it very clear that only those without sin can cast the first stone on a wrongdoer. So standing here admitting that, I certainly will not pick up a stone against another, I ask for the same respect because a lot of you were aware of our separation, however only God knows the complete truth regarding the reasons.

What you may not know however, is the act of love Troy showed, in order for me to try again.

I was living in town and arrived home one day to find a huge bag on my front stoop. There were several dozen roses, my favorite perfume, and every kind of chocolate the grocery store sold. My life had taught me not to respond to this type of flattery, but after talking and laying down certain boundaries in order for us to work out our problems, I went back home to my husband.

These were only two examples of the Troy that I loved. There were many other little things that will continue to strengthen my hope in life, and my belief in love. There were definitely things that will continue to keep me alert and aware, but my choice is to think upon the things that were true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. That is the man I choose to remember. Love is action. Mere words mean nothing without sincere love behind them. I thank God that Troy understood this basic concept of love because without his help I would not be able to stand here and tell you that I believe in the power of love. Without it we are not truly living life as God intended it.

If any of you take anything from these words, I pray that it would be the understanding that love is action, and acting in love is more then mere words. It's allowing ourselves the freedom to be human, mistakes and all, but continuing to walk in love in spite of ourselves. It is a grace given to us by God Himself through the unconditional love He gave to us through Christ Jesus. This is the example that I know Troy longed to live by.

I will truly miss him, but I rejoice that he is now home and with the full head of hair he kept praying for.